如果堅持下去……

                        發布時間:2013-05-19 16:26 作者: 瀏覽數:
                          曾經不知多少次我后悔問過自己,當初堅持下去到最后會是什么結局。如果愛情可以輕易忘記,為什么每次想的念的怨的都是你,那些點點滴滴都來之不易。既然走到這里為何又要放棄,如果回憶可以不再回憶,又何苦每當心痛都要用酒灌醉自己。
                          
                          當看見她帶著一點傷感的表情看著我,我心酸了,突如其來的傷感讓我不知所措。幸福就這樣擦肩而過!我覺得自己很傻很傻,現在感覺哪怕能時常見到她的笑容我也會覺得自己很幸福,但一晃歲月流逝。幸福就這樣而過……
                          
                          這是怎么了?其實我也不明白,當我想用手捂住自己瘦削的臉頰的時候,沒想到,卻觸到了一臉的濕潤。詫異!什么時候涌來的異客?失措!隱藏的秘密不經意外露了。黑暗中,趕緊撫去眼角的淚痕,深怕被發覺。我才又一次知道,剛才我只不過是想敷衍我自己,敷衍自己不切實際的想望。
                          
                          多少不眠的夜晚,思念與寂寞陪伴;多少熟睡的夜晚,驚擾與失落襲來。一顆心到底可以經受多少次痛苦的煎熬,誰能給我具體的回答?如果可以掂量,我渴望得到答案,這樣我好準備足夠的勇氣去面對。
                          
                          當我計較于自己的得失的時候,我才知道,那原來是我內心痛苦地掙扎。一直不愿正面去面對,那是因為自己的軟弱,自己的有意逃避。越逃避越害怕,害怕暴露的那一刻。
                          
                          我也不是很明白,為什么輕易就會受傷害?心的撕裂聲,讓我懼怕,收拾不了完整的心,不能很好的面對以后的路程。于是,為了不讓他蔓延,只能選擇捂住傷口,深深地,用力捂住,即使心會很痛很痛。強忍住悲痛,管不了心如何的糾結。人,有時候真的會很累,很疲倦,當無力抗拒的時候,只能被動接受一切,任其搖擺,而蕭瑟的身影又能繼續這樣多久?黯然神傷的日子什么時候才能停止?
                          
                          這樣的日子不管是短暫還是長久,都要積極地面對,不是決定了嗎?自己醞釀的痛苦和委屈只能自己一點一點往肚里咽。當我不敢自以為是的時候,我也就知道我認輸了,徹底認輸了。沒有錯過,只是因為驕傲的過錯,任*的結果。輾轉反側,看到的永遠是背面,無法靠近,無法改變。一直堅信的意念在背面一瞬間崩潰,多年的堅持脆弱得經不住一句話,一次轉身。原來脆弱早扎進了我的心田,只是我一廂情愿地希望它一直沉默而已,而有時候卻由不得我的一廂情愿。
                          
                          因為清醒著,感覺也更清醒,清醒到分分秒秒都在乎,時時刻刻在判斷,帶去的是滿足與享受,帶來的是失落和疼痛。為了滿足而滿足,為了愉悅而承受,失落與疼痛更深刻。為了不讓失落與疼痛渲染,麻痹神經是唯一的辦法,感覺麻木,還會去在乎什么呢?多么希望就此停止了,多么希望不再驚擾,平平靜靜的就好了,而我知道,這又是我一廂情愿的想法。這是不可能發生的事情,我左右不了的事情。
                          
                          于是,我選擇了謊言,選擇了欺騙,只要能堅持下去,我知道,我欺騙的永遠是我自己!傷都傷了,痛也痛了,過了心也就會散了,人也就會累了,這樣,連掙扎的力氣也就會沒有了,一切也就結束了。如果當初愛你少一點,那么也許會痛苦能少一些!
                          
                          作者:若情
                          
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