大哥,你在天堂賜予我一點點力量_

                        發布時間:2019-05-04 18:03 作者:admin 瀏覽數:

                          

                          文/布衣粗食

                          “大哥出事了。”接到大姐打來的電話,已經是晚上9點多了。

                          我心一緊,頭嗡嗡作響,我無法相信這是事實。一個三十多歲的大男人,能出什么事呢?白天不都好好的嗎?從小到大不都是大哥護著我么?關鍵時候不都是大哥讓著我么?此時,一大家子人都在奔光明前程去,大哥怎么能夠出事呢……

                          人到中年,生老病死也漸漸看多了,但大哥會在三十六歲的時候棄我而去,教我如何相信呢?大哥是一大家子人的頂梁柱啊!高大強壯的身板,聲音洪亮,干活利索。大家遇到什么難處,他都不費吹灰之力就幫解決了。

                          記得父親過世那年,我三歲,大哥四歲,大姐七歲。為了生計,母親每天下地干活就把我和大哥反鎖在土磚屋里,把大姐送到寄宿學校。我和大哥好像籠子里的小鳥,透過老式木窗呆呆地望著窗外的大山,卻怎么也無法到達。大哥看出了我的心思,于是央求母親讓我們在天氣晴好的日子出門玩耍。母親拗不過,只得大哥說,那你要保證看管好弟弟,不能跑遠了。就這樣,比我大一歲的哥哥成了我的保護神,成了家庭的保護神,儼然是個家長……直到他出事的那一天。

                          父親過世兩年后,母親改嫁給了繼父。母親和繼父結婚那時,繼父已經四十多歲了,因為家境貧寒還好酒、性格粗暴,一直沒能娶妻生子。于是,母親帶著我們姊妹三人寄在繼父籬下成了當地人的笑柄,我們姊妹自然成了繼父受辱后的“出氣筒”,經常挨打不說,還常常挨餓。每次饑腸轆轆的時候,大哥總能夠找來一些吃的,雖然只是一些山里的野果或者是土地廟里的貢品,但足使讓我飽餐一頓。記得有一次,我和大哥因為偷了土地廟里的貢品被人瞧見,繼父大發雷霆,大哥一個勁地承認是他一個人干的,祈求繼父打他一個人,即使那樣,我還是沒有幸免一頓暴打。但我從此深深地懂得了大哥對我的關愛。

                          我和大哥讀初中的時候,大姐正在讀高中,此時,家里是一貧如洗。因為我們姊妹都不是繼父的親生骨肉,繼父不愿意拿出些錢來供我們讀書,年紀尚幼的我們不得不尋找賺錢的門路,做些力所能及的事情。初二那個暑假,我和大哥頂著烈日去山里的林場搞撫育,我們拼命地在山里干了一個多月,加上母親賣菜的錢,但還是沒能夠湊齊三個人的學費,這時候,大哥主動向母親要求輟學。大哥說,他的成績很差,干活有力氣,唯有他才可以幫助母親多干些活。但我知道,大哥的成績才班級一直排在前10名以內,個頭也比我高不到哪去,只是他把寶貴的學習機會讓給了我。從那會開始,我知道大哥是要用自己的命運來改變我和大姐的命運啊。

                          初中畢業后,我就讀在地區中專學校。大哥很少和我寫信,但我可以從他郵寄給我的小額匯款看到他打工的地方,透過那些零零散散的錢,我看到了大哥的心血,看到錢被大哥長滿老繭的手撫摸過的痕跡。每當我把那些錢小心翼翼地放在貼胸的口袋里,我的淚水就止不住地滑落到嘴角。

                          因為過早過重地參加勞作,大哥成年后,背有些微駝,個子比我還矮一截。母親還經常拿我和大哥的身高說事。大哥卻不以為然,說,你們不知道啊,因為我的肩膀受到了壓迫,所以才長得結實啊,人家鄧小平比我還矮呢?不都說,濃縮的是精華嗎?大哥的自我解嘲,讓母親哭笑不得,讓母親知道這個兒子沒有責怪她,沒有怨恨家庭的貧困。

                          年輕的我,不諳世事,不懂得當家的難處,直到自己也做了父親。中專畢業后,我東奔西走,輾轉在很多城市,把家里大小事務交給了大哥打理。記得資興市9.1洪災那次,屋后山體滑坡,雖然房子沒有被泥石流沖毀,但災后菜園子、稻田、護坡的恢復都是大哥一個人忙里忙外地做好了。那時,我還在個東莞打工,我后來新聞里看到受災的消息,于是打電話詢問。大哥一個勁地告訴我,家里沒有事,一切都好好的。當然,這次真的讓我體會了什么是“長兄如父”.

                          大哥對長輩也是畢恭畢敬。就說大哥娶媳婦吧,大哥硬是推辭了好幾個面容姣好的女人,娶了一個思想傳統,為人老實,同樣出身在大山的女人。他還不讓母親多操心,所有的彩禮都是自己一手準備的。繼父臨終時,大哥親自為為繼父穿壽衣,擦洗身子,把葬禮安排得妥妥當當。雖然繼父從未對大哥笑臉相迎,我們和繼父也沒有血緣關系,但大哥在繼父蒼老的日子里默默地孝順著,從未抱怨什么。

                          還記得,每年給父親掃墓,都是大哥帶著我們。因為安葬父親的那座山,山高路遠,只有大哥才找得到。大哥知道我身子骨薄弱,總是把墓邊的雜草清理后,才叫我過來一起祭拜。祭拜的時候,大哥總是說,父親啊,我們大家子人都好,繼父待我們也好,還有母親經常惦記著你啊,如果你在天有靈,一定要保佑大家平平安安喲。

                          大哥出事那天,天氣異常的沉悶,悶得人有些透不過氣來。大哥是在小煤窯上班的時候出事的,因為煤窯安全措施不到位,造成塌方,人被煤矸石掩埋了。我做夢也沒有想過大哥會是這般殘忍地結束自己的生命。

                          但,大哥的生命確實是這樣結束了。煤窯負責人為了推脫責任,說,這是一場無法預料的災難。我去過了小煤窯塌方現場。陰森森的煤窯巷道,悠長,恐怖。可是我從來沒有聽過大哥喊一聲苦,待我懂得那份苦的時候,他和我卻是陰陽兩重天。就這樣,連一句道別的話都沒有說,大哥就走了,這是我莫大的傷痛,也一定是大哥莫大的不情愿,永遠的痛。

                          等安排妥當大哥的后事,嫂子問我該把大哥的遺像掛在哪,我看著那年輕的如此眼熟的面容笑貌,頓時淚如泉涌。母親說,大哥終于不再是我們的家長了,撒手丟下一大家子人不管了……教我們如何能心安呢?原本是要安慰我的母親,此刻卻抽噎著,淚水啪嗒啪嗒地落了一地……

                          時光偷偷地從指縫間溜走,悄然步入了炙熱的夏季。我去接母親同我一起住的時候,我才看到,這個沒有大哥的鄉村的家已不再是家了——稻田荒廢;犁靶銹跡斑斑;窗臺上結滿了蛛絲;悶熱的屋里再也沒有了歡聲笑語……

                          母親生日那天,我和大姐都向母親敬酒。而母親卻有些無動于衷,好像在等待著什么。看來,母親是始終無法走出歲月的累累傷痛。等宴席散開的時候,母親把末尾那杯酒散在了黃土里,算是敬大哥一杯吧,可這杯酒,該是大哥端給母親喝的啊!!

                          哎!大哥啊!來年的清明節,你教我如何對父親說啊?你教我如何走過那些蜿蜒陡峭的路啊?你的離去,讓我不得不挑起了家庭的重擔。只是,我再也找不到那么一份依靠,我無論如何地努力生活,都無法回報你這個“家長”啊。只愿,你在天有靈,庇佑活著的家人們,幸福,安康,長長久久;只愿,在我無助的時候,你在天堂賜予我一點點力量……

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